I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
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