I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
