my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize