Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
