Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
