I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
