It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
