I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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