so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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