i don't like sucking hair
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
