I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
