Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
