A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
