he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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