some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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