so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
