now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
