He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Every concussion has its silver lining
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
