I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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