Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
