You smell like a Billy Joel song
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
