I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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