I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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