Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
