Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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