i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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