I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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