can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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