Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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