shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
