my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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