i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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