The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
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