Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
