I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Sorry my hands just texted you
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
