my mouth tastes like poor choices
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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