i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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