You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
