I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
