Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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