I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
bring money and cleavage
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
