When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
