Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
True strength comes from lack of pants
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
