Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
