No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
