Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
