No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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