I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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