every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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