Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize