is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
