ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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