I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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