Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
