My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
