oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
