pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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