whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
