That's when you crack a 10am beer
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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