He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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