I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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