moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
