You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
