Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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