Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
