problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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